Robertus Runs (Game Two)!

And we're back!
A hair over fifteen minutes until the puck drops, and Jill walks in the door in the nick of time to open up the Generic MacBook Word Processor (I am a Macintosh luddite, really). Fortunately, she moves downstairs to hop on the exercise bike instead of staying here, to point and laugh.

-15:00:: Chris Simpson outside the Anaheim locker room with the breaking news that a team must bond together to win the Stanley Cup. Thank you, Chris.

-11:40: Back to the booth with Bill, Keith, Brian, and Mark. Keith barks that the Ducks won't win another game if they don't stop taking bad penalties (witness Jackman clotheslining Comrie, which wasn't as bad as it looked - Comrie rifled a slapshot after the offsides whistle, which is extremely dangerous. Given the noise in the Duck Pond Honda Center, it's possible he didn't hear the linesman, but still. The saying is "play hard until the whistle," not "play hard after the whistle."). Both Ottawa goals were scored on the power play in game one, so the Ducks would do wise to stay out of the box.

-8:00: Mike Emerick and Eddie Olczyk in the booth. Chris Simpson on the Anaheim bench. Chris Simpson couldn't make it in the NHL.

-5:00: No national anthems in the broadcast today. Apparently, Michelle Phillips wasn't in voice.

-1:00: Now, let us see what rewards may be reaped!

0:00: And we're off!

17:55: Chris Kelly gets creamed along the near boards, followed quickly by Mike Comrie boarding Marc Francois Beauchemin. Anaheim takes the man advantage.

17:00: This powerplay was built by Home Depot, which explains the faceoff in Anaheim's end.

16:45: Emerick wonders why the "shelf" (the top of the boards in front of the glass) is necessary. Witness Kris Draper.

14:20: Interference penalty on Anaheim - Versus flashes the graphic that Ottawa scores on 20% of their power plays (good for the #2 ranking in the regular season). One thinks a producer could have told that to Keith Jones about twenty minutes ago.

12:25: Giguere makes his first save of the evening as the Ottawa power play expires. The Anaheim penalty kill was not pretty - the Senators had several chances down in front of Giguere in the low slot, but only managed one shot.

11:55: A shaky boarding call on Volchenkov - Perry turned, but Volchenkov unloaded on him
10:00: Fifteen seconds left in the Anaheim power play, and Jill is falling asleep on my shoulder. Ottawa! Anaheim! Only on Versus!

9:55: A LONG OUTLET PASS TO.... ... Volchenkov... who falls down... and... eeesh.
9:54: Wasn't Volchenkov just sitting for two entire minutes? I would've thought his legs would be fresher than that.

9:50: I try to stand up and go get a soda, but can't. I ran three miles an hour ago, you know.
7:30: Our third boarding first charging penalty of the game, this time to Sean Thorton of the Ducks for a late hit on Oleg Saprykin.

6:36: Pronger goes to the box for slashing Mike Comrie on the hands. Ottawa has a minute of 5-on-3.

6:25: Corvo makes a nice play to keep the puck onside, leading to some close down-low chances for the Senators. Giguere will need to play out of his mind for the next two minutes.

5:30: Spezza sends a gorgeous pass to Mike Comerie, who shoves the puck into the post. Apparently, the net was too open, and that pass was too slow and right to him.

4:30: And the penalty expires and Chris Neil annihilates Beauchemin behind the net. Ottawa seems intent on matching the physicality of Anaheim tonight.

4:28: Versus airs the Absolut Vodka pillowfight commercial for the fourth time this evening.

3:04: I feel bad for Andrej Meszaros. His name is mentioned almost solely in a negative context - "Andrej Meszaros just got smoked!" He seems a decent fellow.

2:16: Jill asks the million dollar question: "Why isn't this being shown on regular TV? I mean, a network?"

1:53: A roughing call on Ottawa for, as Jill put it, "Basically throwing that guy down to the ice." She didn't call it "field" or "court." I call this progress.

1:17: Jill threatens to take away the MacBook as Ottawa clear the zone.

0:00: The first period draws to a close and we're tied at zero. I'm running downstairs to heat up some leftovers. If I can stand up.

Second Period!

During the break, we've learned that buns are not even a little biscuitesque, my manliness needs enhancement, Enterprise will pick me up, ice hockey knocks out my fiancee and her guinea pig, and when someone knees me in the face, I'm not thinking about what my trainer told me. I'm thinking "ooooooooooouch!"
Also, macbooks get really, really hot.

20:00: And we're off!

17:00: The play has been pretty consistently in the Ottawa end, but not much to write about.

16:45: Jill asks whether a slightly late hit was a "Penalty? Penalty, right? Not foul?" Progress.

15:38: Anaheim with the puck down low, Samuel Pahlsson tries to score one from behind the net. We're coming up on about five minutes of continued pressure in the Ottawa end.

13:10: Were this football, it would be a series of three-and-outs. In baseball, runners stranded on second. In basketball, the NBA Conference Finals.

I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

11:49: Jill: "It looks like they're just randomly hitting it."
Robertus: "Yes, yes it does."

10:00: Jill: "Hey, don't try the veal. Veal is baby cows."
Robertus: "Not just baby cows. Sweet, delicious baby cows."
Some guy is not kicking a cameraman for the money. Some guy is not kicking a cameraman for the fame. Some guy is not kicking a cameraman for the glory. He's kicking a cameraman because, when he steps in the ring, he f*cking hates me.

9:58: Jill's first impression of Chris Simpson: "AAAAAAH! Scary lady!" Progress.
9:15: Meszaros gets smoked again, leading to a nice play by Wade Redden in the corner and, ironically, a Teemu Selanne scoring chance.

8:10: Captain Canada "of the New York Islanders" (enjoy that while it lasts) in the Versus suite. Jill remarks on his lackluster dental work.

7:00: Some ugly/beautiful play around the Ottawa net leading to a few nice saves from Emery.

6:15: Jason Spezza makes a beautiful pass to Rob Niedermayer, leading to another tough save by Emery. Spezza has looked... troubled... so far this evening. I half expect him to go to the Anaheim locker room between periods.

4:30: Ray Liota, James Caan, and Snoop Dogg in attendance tonight. No word from Cuba Gooding Junior.

2:52: Somehow, Anaheim has mustered 24 shots in the game so far.

2:45: Jill: "Wow, Messier won the Cup six times?"
Robertus: "Yes, yes he did."
Jill: "Who is he with? Ottawa or Anaheim?"

1:56: Late penalty to Ottawa for a trip.

0:24: A very late call on Anaheim for a hook.

0:00: And the second period draws to a close, the score tied at nil. Anaheim leads in horseshoes and hand grenades. Frankly, if they didn’t change ends between periods, they’d only have to zam half the ice.

Quickly, we get our sixth course of the Absolut Vodka pillowfight commercial. Also, Versus informs us that the real drama doesn't begin until the Tour de France. Not the Stanley Cup finals. Tour de France. Nice marketing, Versus.

Back in twenty!

Third Period!

During the intermission, Scott calls me to discuss Brian Engblom's hair. The adjective most used: Trifling. Jill adds "it looks like it's all messy and out of control, and he put some Dep in it."

Mais... boum!
Quand notre coeur fait boum
Tout avec lui dit boum
L'oiseau dit boum, c'est l'orage
Boum!
L'éclair qui, lui, fait boum
Et le bon Dieu dit boum
Dans son fauteuil de nuages
ATTENTION SECURITY GUARDS! Buns are not like a biscuit. They are not biscuitesque. Not even a little bit. Ye gods. I gained three pounds just looking at it.

20:00: And we're back!

18:13: A few close calls in the Anaheim end.

18:12: Wait, a male friend called me on the telephone from a restaurant to comment on a television commentator's hair. I think I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

16:37: Mezaros gets smoked again, leading to Anaheim's best chance of the evening (a knucklepuck off the crossbar - correctly and decisively waved off).

15:00: The Anaheim checking line dominates the play down in the Anaheim end, leading to a small scuffle. Heatley crosschecks Pahlsson , Pahlsson elbows Heatley. Good times.

14:15: Jill: "Saturday is on NBC! See? That's a real network!"

14:08: Anheuser Busch breaks into the KFC/WEC/Geico triumverate to inform us that foreigners sound funny.

12:16: Jill: "Someone score already!"

10:52: Jill and I spent the last two minutes deciding that the gold in the Ducks' uniform is "kinda orangey," which I suppose justifies the orange-painted fans in attendance. Sadly, Snoop Dogg is unpainted.

9:10: Four or five shots down low on Emery, still no goals of which to speak.

7:06: Apparently, I blacked out for two minutes there.

6:12: The puck seems to be bouncing oddly tonight.

5:44: Dany Heatley turnover (a misguided pass to Spezza, who might be wearing Anaheim Ducks boxer shorts under his equipment) leads to a gorgeous shot from Pahlsson and GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

5:43: I think I just heard Spencer's heart explode.

Making the sale makes me jump out of bed in the morning. Because I'm an asshole.

4:20: Excellent shift from the Heatly-Spezza line coming out of the commercial break. Emerick identifies a five syllable "let's go Ducks" chant, and Volchenkov scores with Penner. If you can't score with the puck, score with an opposing player.

Jill: "I never would've guessed E-Surance was a sponsor."

3:11: Shcaeffer misses an open net, and the puck goes all the way back to Ottawa's end.

2:00: Perry makes a gorgeous shot from his knees.

1:30: Meszaros unloads all his repressed aggression on Perry.
0:47:Emery leaves the net for the extra attacker.
0:10: The Ducks wisely don't play the Ottawa icing.
0:00: Ducks pull out the victory to take a 2-0 series lead.

Bill Clement: "Keith, what's your take?"
Keith Jones: "Well Bill, the Senators just got owned. And now, a word from Kentucky Fried Chicken."