Thursday, April 20, 2006

Robertus Roundup!

Somebody Notify the Pulitzer Committee!

Apparently, spurned on by my broadside, Spencer opened his new site, The Senturion earlier this week. Today, in his usual Sencentric style, he takes on the dismissal of Pat Quinn, late of cross-province rival Toronto Maple Leafs. In short, it is a move that should have surprised nobody.

On Craig Patrick

Surprising, however, was today’s dismissal of Craig Patrick from the Pittsburgh Penguins organization. Patrick famously drafted everyone’s favorite mullet-wearing Czechoslovakian into the league, leading the Stanley Cup to Pittsburgh front-to-back years in the early ‘90s. The move, undoubtedly a preamble to a sale, leaves the Penguins ship rudderless. Sadly, it was already engineless, windowless, and mastless. Sources declined comment on whether the deck was on fire.

The new owners would do wise to remember that Patrick is already in the Hall of Fame, and it is extremely unlikely that the New NHL has passed him by.

Robertus at the Bat!

This spring, I was asked to play on a beer-league softball team with a few friends. I hadn’t picked up a baseball in about two years, hadn’t swung a bat in five, and hadn’t played organized ball in at least 15. As a bonus, I ran like Sid Bream in my prime.

Never before deterred by facts, I accepted the invitation. Here, I present to you my career stats:

GP: 1, AB: 4, H: 3, BA: 0.750, 2B: 1, 3B: 0, HR: 0; R: 2, RBI: 3, E: 1, DFP*: 2

*DFP, damn fool plays, or plays during which I looked like a damn fool. Scouts have projected me to lead the league in this statistic.

Coming Soon!

Robertus dashes the hopes of eight playoff teams by selecting them to advance in their respective series, breaks up the Mets, and ponders whether there is beer-league softball in Canada.

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