Robertus Picks A Winner!

With a shade over four hours to go, and armed with absolutely no up-to-date information, I will forthwith predict the winners of the following NHL Playoff series.

To The West, To The West
Detroit (1) vs. Edmonton (8)

Earlier this week, I read a commentator question whether the netminding tandem of Chris Osbad and Manny “We Have to Take Him, He’s A” Legace is “Stanley Cup worthy.” One hesitates to point out that both Osbad and Legace have won the Stanley Cup. Granted, Osgood won his cup eight years ago, and Legace was nailed to the bench behind Dominik Hasek in 2002, but how many Cups have you won, Scott Burnside?

Robertus Predicts: Woe betide the Detroit Red Wings, for Robertus has picked thee to win in five.

Dallas (2) vs. Colorado (7)

I was prepared to write a long, flowing essay on the beauty of the upcoming Mavericks v. Nuggets playoff series, only to realize too late that (a) this was the Dallas Stars and (b) I don’t know anything about basketball.

You know, except about the basket. And the ball.

Anyway, Dallas has been solid all season, and, although my fingers were excited by the prospect of typing “Budaj” over and over, Colorado is starting Jose Theodore in net. The last few years have not treated Theodore kindly, and I don’t expect the Dallas front lines will, either. Sakic will need to be in miracle worker form for Colorado to stand much of a chance.

Budaj.
Robertus Predicts: The Stars at night, are shining bright *clap clap clap clap* deep in the heart of five games.

Calgary (3) vs. Anaheim (6)

Robertus’ preseason pick to sip from the Chalice of Victory faces off against The Anaheim Mighty Ducks of Anaheim in a rematch of the 2004 Western Conference Finals. This is a troubling pick, dear Reader, as the Ducks have all the momentum in the world and are now the “sexy pick” for an upset. The Ducks have played a house on fire style of hockey, and Kiprusoff will have to play out of his mind to make up for the Flame’s lack of offense. Should Giguere prove to be a brick wall to the offensively underwhelming Flames, my preseason pick will go down in… well, flames.
But then, ma always told me it’s best to dance with them what brung you.

Robertus Predicts: Flames in seven hair raising, life-shortening games.

Nashville (4) vs. San Jose (5)

Back in September, I wrote

San Jose sportswriters will get to type "Johnathan Cheechoo (Moose Factory, Ontario)" well into the Spring of 2006.

For most of the season, it looked like San Jose sportswriters would be following “Johnathan Cheechoo (Moose Factory, Ontario)" with “played golf throughout the Spring of 2006,” until the arrival of Joe Thorton at the trade deadline. Suddenly, the Sharks are on a tear heading into the playoffs, and Cheechoo has roared on to score 56 goals. The Predators would need to lean heavily on the titanic goaltending of Thomas Vokoun, were he not sidelined for the season by a “blood condition” (read: vampires). With Vokoun sidelined by vampires, the Predators are relying on Chris “Stop Calling Me Perry” Mason stop the flow of pucks into the back of their net. Although who-dat goaltenders have a history of heating up in the playoffs (Johan Hedberg, anyone?), it’s difficult to think that he could put the brakes on Thorton and Cheechoo.

Robertus Predicts San Jose in five.

Coming Soon! Robertus brings woe and ruination to The Eastern Conference!