Robertus Predicts!
Sitting back on the burgundy couch watching Andy Pettitte pitch to John Franco, up 4-3 in the bottom of the fourth, the Turner Field crowd chanting the unbearable faux-Indian war chant and waving red styrofoam tomahawks, ball four to Franco, Jeff Francoeur bunts down the third base line, barely fair, Brian Roberts grounds into an inning-ending double play.
We've an hour and forty-five minutes
to kill before the first frozen puck drops on aught five, and so we stare into our faux-crystal ball, to prognosticate the final standings in the spring of aughtsix. And lo, the mall-bought crystal ball did portend a long, cold winter in Toronto, Miami, and Manhattan (but we knew that already), that Les Habitants du Canada will do better than people expect, but that, ultimately, Calgary would sip from the Chalice of Glory, while Washington gulps from the Dixie Cup of Shame. Here is how the divisions break down, from my suspect vantage point, listening to that incessant Atlanta chant:
Eastern Conference
Northeastern Division
5. Toronto Maple Leafs
4. Buffalo Sabres
3. Les Canadiens de Montreal
2. Les Bruins de Boston
1. Ottawa Senators
Atlantic Divison
5. New York Rangers
4. New York Islanders
3. New Jersey Devils
2. Philadelphia Phlyers
1. Pittsburgh Penguins
Southeastern Divison
5. Washington Capitals
4. Carolina Hurricanes
3. Florida Panthers
2. City of Tampa Lightning
1. Atlanta Thrashers
Playoff Picture: Ottawa (1), Pittsburgh (2), Atlanta (3), Philadelphia (4), Boston (5), City of Tampa (6), Montreal (7), New Jersey Devils (8).
Western Conference
Northwestern Division
5. Minnesota Tame
4. Colorado Avalanche
3. Edmonton Oilers
2. Vancouver Canucks
1. Calgary Flames
Pacific Divison
5. Dallas North Stars
4. Phoenix Coyotes
3. Los Angeles Kings
2. Anaheim Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
1. San Jose Sharks
Central Divison
5. St. Louis Blues
4. Chicago Blackhawks
3. Columbus Blue Jackets
2. Detroit Red Wings
1. Nashville Predators
Playoff Picture: Calgary (1), San Jose (2), Nashville (3), Vancouver (4), Ducks (5), Detroit (6), Los Angeles (7), Edmonton (8).
We've an hour and forty-five minutes
to kill before the first frozen puck drops on aught five, and so we stare into our faux-crystal ball, to prognosticate the final standings in the spring of aughtsix. And lo, the mall-bought crystal ball did portend a long, cold winter in Toronto, Miami, and Manhattan (but we knew that already), that Les Habitants du Canada will do better than people expect, but that, ultimately, Calgary would sip from the Chalice of Glory, while Washington gulps from the Dixie Cup of Shame. Here is how the divisions break down, from my suspect vantage point, listening to that incessant Atlanta chant: Eastern Conference
Northeastern Division
5. Toronto Maple Leafs
4. Buffalo Sabres
3. Les Canadiens de Montreal
2. Les Bruins de Boston
1. Ottawa Senators
Atlantic Divison
5. New York Rangers
4. New York Islanders
3. New Jersey Devils
2. Philadelphia Phlyers
1. Pittsburgh Penguins
Southeastern Divison
5. Washington Capitals
4. Carolina Hurricanes
3. Florida Panthers
2. City of Tampa Lightning
1. Atlanta Thrashers
Playoff Picture: Ottawa (1), Pittsburgh (2), Atlanta (3), Philadelphia (4), Boston (5), City of Tampa (6), Montreal (7), New Jersey Devils (8).
Western Conference
Northwestern Division
5. Minnesota Tame
4. Colorado Avalanche
3. Edmonton Oilers
2. Vancouver Canucks
1. Calgary Flames
Pacific Divison
5. Dallas North Stars
4. Phoenix Coyotes
3. Los Angeles Kings
2. Anaheim Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
1. San Jose Sharks
Central Divison
5. St. Louis Blues
4. Chicago Blackhawks
3. Columbus Blue Jackets
2. Detroit Red Wings
1. Nashville Predators
Playoff Picture: Calgary (1), San Jose (2), Nashville (3), Vancouver (4), Ducks (5), Detroit (6), Los Angeles (7), Edmonton (8).
posted by robertus at 5:15 PM
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