Robertus Reviews: The New York Rangers

On a warm June night in 1994, I paced around the desolate parcel pick-up lane at the Hickory Ridge Giant, staring at my watch and out into the blackness of the parking lot, waiting for my shift to end. At ten o’clock, John McMahon called me over the intercom -- “Bobby,” he said, “get outta here.”

I ran through the automatic double doors to my 1986 Mercury Lynx, turned over the engine (a miracle in itself), and turned the AM dial until I found John Davidson, Rangers leading 2-1 in the second. I drove slowly down Cedar Lane, hoping to time my arrival at home with a commercial break, hoping to not hit a mailbox or a wayward squirrel, hoping someone could hold back Pavel Bure. And then, Mark Messier, the Miracle Worker (who only a week before had guaranteed a victory against the hated New Jersey Devils, then scored a hat trick to deliver), scored… scored… and I honked my horn and flashed my lights, and pushed the pedal to the floor so I could watch the celebration in the living room with Hockey Dad.

I arrived home as the Zamboni made the last pass between the second and third. When the referee drops the puck, I can hardly watch. When Trevor Linden scores to close the margin, I can’t sit down. When the buzzer sounds, the Rangers’ bench explodes in a mass of gloves and sticks, and for the first time in ten minutes, I breathe. As the Stanley Cup circles the Garden ice, one fan holds a sign that says it all.

Unfortunately, we didn’t die in peace that night. Instead, we’ve been subjected to a decade of hockey from the New York Rangers. Glen Wesley, Esa Tikkanen, Steve Larmer, and a slew of other players retired. Jeff Beukeboom was punched in the back of the head so hard he couldn’t see straight, and so retired. Mike Richter blew out his knees three times in two years. Mark Messier left for Vancouver and then tearfully returned. Alexi Kovalev became a goal scoring machine in Pittsburgh, and then scorelessly returned, only to leave again for Montreal. Finally, the icon, the rock, Brian Leetch, was traded to Toronto.

A friend of mine asked me what I thought of the 2005-2006 incarnation of the Rangers. Here’s what I wrote:

Actually, I like the Rangers up the middle -- Nylander's been a point-per-game guy for the last few seasons, Jamie Lundmark won the Thomas Klouchek Memorial "Bob Says He'll Be Good Any Minute Now" Award last season, and Straka is a decent pickup if he stops breaking his legs.
"Straka is a decent pickup if he stops breaking his legs." I just typed that. Twice.
They're OK on the left with Ville The Villian Niemenan and Martin Rucinsky, and I scored six goals in one game with Garth Murray in NHL 2004 on the Rookie setting, so that's a good sign.
They've got one of the 5-10 best players in the league on the right side in Yaomir Yagr (as maligned with the caps as he was, he still put up numbers), Jason Ward is solid if unspectacular, and Russlan Balej "With Diamonds" just won the Jim "Well En" Dowd Award for Biggest Nickname Stretch.
And the D ain't bad. Kaspo the Unfriendly Ghost, Marek the Freak Malik, Poti Tang, Fedor Tyutin (the forerunner for next year's Thomas Klouchek Memorial Award), Dale “The Pylon” Purinton, and Jason "the R is silent" Strudwick.
And we could do worse than Kevin Weekes in goal. We could do better, but we could do worse.

Of course, I was writing this e-mail off the cuff, so I made one major error and a few minor omissions. Ruslan Balej’s first name is actually Jozef. I forgot to mention Heinrich Lundqvist and Al "Stop Calling Me Inigo" Montoya are waiting in the wings behind Kevin Weekes. Since I wrote the e-mail, they've added Maxim Kondratiev and Jarko Immonen and signed draft pick Hugh Jessiman.

Will the Rangers make the playoffs? Maybe as the 7^th or 8^th seed, thanks to the weaknesses of Buffalo, Carolina, Florida, and the Capitals. For the Rangers, this season needs to be about next season, and the season after. Despite the presence of Jagr, Nylander, and Rucinsky, the Rangers are a young team. If they can get minutes to Jessiman, Lundmark, et al. and throw some rubber at Lundqvist, they could solidify the core of the 2007-2008 Stanley Cup Champion New York Rangers.

Coming Soon! Robertus Reacts to the Ottawa Senator’s trade for Dany Heatley.